Reblog if you want your followers to leave horrifically bad pickup lines in your askbox, anon or not
LITERALLY MY FAVORITEThis is so much better than any russian roulette or “poison cookie” analogy.
Mija can still be a little too enthusiastic when it comes to making frans
lavender brown gets more hate for how she handles unrequited romantic feelings than snape does and i find that incredibly disturbing
Also Cho Chang gets more hate for crying and grieving over the death of her boyfriend, than Snape does for literally abusing and terrorizing children because he couldn’t have Lily Evans.
Parent: oh it's his first words!
Baby: not all men
Parent: put it back
shoutout to me for still not having my driver’s license
"One thing I’ve observed in my time as a big ol’ scary unreasonable feminist is that a lot of men have a difficult time letting go of the idea that their opinions are not always welcome or valuable. That sometimes, they really just need to shut up for awhile. That even if they have opinions, they need not share them."
I don’t care if it’s not actually a “trigger” by definition, if I post something that has content you are uncomfortable with, let me know and I will tag that shit so fast because I think everyone has the right to have an enjoyable time on this website, end of story.
3 year old death grip!
iM LAUGHING SO HARD BC THE BROTHER IS STARING AT HER LIKE “OMFG” AND SHES STANIDNG BACK THERE HOLDING HER HANDS LIKE “i never knew what i was capable of, my powers are here”
Oh my god
What would be some hilarious (My) Immortal The Web Series aus?
Set in Forks Washington. Enoby meeting Bella Swan would be glorious.
“The fuck Bella, I thought you were a prep! Why didn’t you tell me you were dating a vampyre? That’s so goth.” Enoby spoke in her gothest voice. “I dated a vampire once he was so goth! We met when he…” She prattled on. Her blue hair streaks glinting in the gray abysmal light of Forks.
“Yeah.” Said Bella aloud as her inner monologue droned in the space between her ears. Why did she have to show up? She’s a much less one dimensional Mary Sue than I am… What if she steals Edward away? I’ll have to find a new way to get attention…
“… and that’s how I defeated Lord Voldemort’s daughter.” Enoby kept going. “So, what do the other goths do here for fun? Oh?! Are any of your Vampyre boyfriend’s Vampyre friends single? We could go to a vampire party!” Enoby exclaimed in a goth way.
“Sure.” Emoted Bella. “Let’s go to their house.”
Enoby smiled, but in a goth way, and followed Bella.
20 adjective filled minutes later the two arrive at the Cullen house.
“So… Where do your vampyres live?” Enoby asked as she peered up at the rather cheerful and glass covered house.
“Here.” Bella used her vocal cords to vocalize.
“No, I mean where do they really live? This place is like prepsville.” Enoby expressed in frustration just before she considered never using the term prepsville again.
*sigh* “This is where they live.” God, what does she think vampires are? Some monsters that hide in the dark?
Edward opened the door and smiled at Bella. Then suddenly, the wind shifted and he smelled Enoby. Her scent was entrancing. Who is that? She smells tastier than Bella! Now that I think about it I didn’t even notice her coming. I can’t read her thoughts either… Just like Bella! And Mormon Jesus in Utah below, she’s gorgeous! “Hi.” Edward smiled an awkward yet sexy smile with brown puppy dog eyes that flashed gold the more he smelled Enoby.
“Hi, so? Where are all the Vampyres?” Enoby asked stressing the Y to show she was a true goth.
“Well, my family are all out getting ready for vampire baseball, since there is a huge dangerous thunderstorm about to happen, and I stayed behind as a clever plot device.” Edward shrugged and gave a deprecating smile again. He ran his hands through his already disheveled hair.
“No, you must not understand me!” Enoby was getting irritated. “I’m talking about Vvvvvaaaaammm-pyyyyrrrrreeessss.” She stretched out each syllable.
“I am a vampire. I’ll show you!” Edward grabbed Enoby and ran her into the forest.
“Wait! What about Bella?” Enoby asked a little annoyed by being taken somewhere really fast and messing up her hot topic skirt.
“Who? Oh, thaaaaaaaat Bella… It’s cool. She’ll just go cry in a field for a few days before flirting with my werewolf arch-rival.” Edward intoned.
“So what then? How are you going to prove you are a Vampyre? Are you going to bite me?” Enoby shuddered as she tilted her neck and rubbed her hands up and down his icy chest.
“What?! No! I couldn’t do that! I mean, i could. I just don’t do that! I could hurt you Enoby Darkness Dementia Raven Way. I could hurt you bad… But, I only eat free-range deer killed in humane ways!” Edward looked down his nose at her and acted offended. “I was going to jump around these trees really fast and then sparkle in the perfectly timed sunlight that shouldn’t be happening because of an earlier plot device.”
“What do you mean sparkle?” Enoby was really losing her cool now. Being in the woods alone with a Vampyre was supposed to be dark and hot and goth. Instead this was weird and boring and full of plot holes.
“Like all vampires I sparkle when the sun hits my skin. Like a diamond. ” The sun broke through the depressing goth clouds and true to his word Edward began to sparkle. “Why do you think we hide in the dark. So the world doesn’t know. Any way, that’s why our skin is so tough. It becomes hard like a dia-”
“Wait!!!” Enoby’s scream interrupted Edward speech. “You mean to tell me you’re a PREP VAMPYRE!?!?!?!?! This is the least goth thing possible!” Enoby pulled out her wand and apparated back to hogwarts. (Which was totally cool because she was allowed to get her apparition license when she was 15 because she was so awesome.)
“Hey Enoby! How was your visit with your cousin Bella?” Hermione asked.
“Ugh!!! Fucking Prep Vampyres!” Enoby shrieked as she slammed the door to her room.
white people cry reverse racism about comic book characters being colored black but they finna make an entire movie about egyptians starring all white people.
i’m petitioning for a george washington biopic starring samuel l jackson.
"Thank you, J.K. Rowling, for…" - Kristina Horner [ x ]